The zombies on funny vibes.

On their way to get married,a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident.

The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting they began to wonder; could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter arrived,they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.St. Peter said, "I don't know.This is the first time anyone has asked.Let me go find out," and he left.

The couple sat and waited for an answer..for a couple of months.

While they waited,they discussed the pros and cons.If they were allowed to get married in Heaven,should they get married,what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?"

Yet another month passed before St. Peter finally returned,looking somewhat bedraggled.

"Yes," he informed the couple,"You can get married in Heaven."

"Great!" said the couple."But we were just wondering;what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter,red-faced with anger,slammed his clipboard on the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH,COME ON!" St. Peter shouted."It took me 3 months to find a priest up here!

Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?
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WICKED PILOT

A pilot on an airplane said;Ladies and Gentlemen,the plane is losing altitude.All the baggage must be thrown out.A while later,the pilot said;We are still losing altitude.We must throw out everything that is in the cabin.

The plane continued to descend despite more things being thrown out.The pilot said;We are still going down,we must throw out some people.There was a big gasp from the passengers.

The pilot continued;But to make this fair,passengers will be thrown out in alphabetical order,So A... any Africans on board?.Nobody moved.

The pilot said; B... any Blacks on board?.
Nobody moved.
The pilot said; C... any coloureds on board?.
Still,nobody moved.

The pilot said; D... any Darkies?.
A Nigerian little black boy asked his dad; Daddy,what are we?.
The Dad said;My son, tonight,we are zombies.
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THE HONEST LOVING HUSBAND.

An angry wife called her husband on phone.

WIFE : Hello,where the hell are you?

HUSBAND :Honey, you remember that jewelry shop where you saw that diamond necklace and you totally fell in love with it? (The wife relaxed with a smile).

WIFE :Yes, the king of my heart.I do remember.

HUSBAND:And you remember I did not have money that day and I told you 'honey that necklace will be yours one day'? (The wife is totally relaxed with a big smile and even blushing).

WIFE :Yes,I remember my one and only love.

HUSBAND :Good. I am in the beer parlour next to that shop.