To parents of infants or toddlers,their children's sexual development may seem a long way off,but actually,sexual development begins in a child's very first years.Infants,todlers,preschoolers and young school aged kids develop an emotional and physical foundation for sexuality in many subtle ways as they grow.We will be looking at issue on how we can handle toddlers and sexual awareness.For an example how a mother was facing such issue at home.Here is her story........
I tried hard to think of a way I could make it stop.Make it all go away and never feel like I was failing the entire womanhood. But the tears just didn’t stop.They were neither tears of joy or sorrow but filled my eyes as a result of the onions I was chopping.Cooking had never been a problem to me; just don't introduce the nightmare of chopping onions.I wiped the tears off my eyes with the back of my hand before pouring the chopped onions into the oily pot.I emptied the tomato juice from the blender and smiled as I had successfully overcome the travails of onions.I reached for the table cloth and wiped my hands clean before heading for living room to check up on the kids who I left watching Barney and friends.
"I will not play with you again," Timi said
"Ehn, don't play with me again. I will tell my mummy to play with me." Bimpe replied in childish cuteness
"I will not give you my sweet,you will see." He smirked teasing her with his tongue. He drew his head closer to his shoulder twice and poked his tongue at her.
"If I allow you to play with me,will you give me your sweet?"
“So I will be the daddy and you will be the mummy”
I was looking at the corner admiring the sweetness of these two when Timi stood up and pulled down his trouser to reveal his petite nakedness.My eyes opened up in shock and my mouth dropped as I watched him reach for Bimpe's skirt. He was stroking his manhood and had already pulled it to the knee level when I shouted the blood of Jesus and stormed in.The sight before me mortified me. My own five year old son had an erection and was about making love to his own 4 year old cousin.What irked me the most was that they were not ashamed and bothered less about covering themselves.They both looked at me unremorseful as though I had interrupted something important.
"God! Where had I gotten it wrong?" I mumbled in awe as tears dropped from my eyes.It was the worst sight of my life and I had no clue how to handle this.
"Mummy," Timi called
The Issue of her story was that her kid was into sexual abnormality.And it has to do with our toddlers.The sociodramatic “daddy&mummy” play or any sexual related imitation that just played out is definitely not new to world.This happening is not the issue,the issue lies on how to handle it after the deed has been done.That is why I did a little bit of research and came up with certain ways to tackle the incident.Most times,when we find ourselves in such a situation,the first question that comes to our mind is..Where did they get any of that from?
One thing we must understand is that step you take at that moment is critical.So to handle such a situation,you first have to keep a straight composed face but not a harsh face.They didn't just make it up.Calmly question them and get them to talk.You might be shocked to find out where they learnt it from.Just don’t freak out.It could be from observing animals in sexual acts,it could also be from school,from the TV, from their friends in the neighbourhood,from a maid or even from
parents.A common reason children are into it, is that they saw their parents doing it and thought it was okay.In this case,the fault is from you;just don’t beat yourself about it.The more kids you have,the more privacy with your spouse is reduced.There are steps to be taken if your child catches you in a sexual act with your spouse (depending on the age grade.Let’s stick to the toddlers for now).I earlier said,don’t freak out but I didn’t give a reason you shouldn’t.Freaking out tells your kids what they saw was bad and that makes them feel confused as though they have done something wrong.
These are kids who don’t know the difference between good and bad,reality or their imagination.Just apologize to them.And look for funny alternatives that could be believable to them.There should be a way of wiping off the memory of what they saw but don’t be too hard with it.Just be patient.After that install a lock on your bedroom door and encourage kids to knock.
Kids should be taught sex education from a tender age.Use and teach the proper names for body parts but try to be funky with it.Let them know a penis is a penis but look for a funny nickname.When you find your toddler already sexually exposed the best therapy is counseling. Let(s)he or she know that is a limit.Also discuss with your spouse or other adults involved.It is most foolish to spank a child in such situation.Just be patient but not cold.Reassure them and let them believe your words.Watch what they are exposed to.Watch the movies,books,magazines around them.Especially the friends they keep.If it is school related,speak to their teachers to monitor them well.You paid well for them to learn but not to learn negative things.
Also let your actions be consistent.Ring it in their ears and make sex education fun.Whichever way you choose to talk about sex,keep it low-key and void of emotions.Tell them about porn before they stumble across it.Be affectionate with your spouse before them but not sexual.And if they have questions,answer honestly but also don’t say more than needs to be known.Encourage them to speak up and build a no-secrets family.Don’t wait to give them “The Talk”,because if you don’t someone else will gladly do it and the result would be unpleasant.So train your child well.Feed them with good information but remember moderation is the key.Keep it simple so you don’t confuse them,then as they grow you expose them to more of “The Talk”.Be your children’s keeper.